It’s halftime. Right now Mitt Romney is trying to figure out how he got his butt kicked in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado. He’s yelling at his campaign staff, making phone calls to his Super PAC and texting Ann Coulter so she can contort herself like a pretzel trying to explain Romneycare for the fifteenth time.
Speaking of Ann, she reminds me of a high class call girl I knew in Bangkok, whoring herself out for top dollar. She was a dusky jewel – gave me the clap. But that’s another story for another day.
It’s halftime in America too. A lot of people are out of work and hurting – forced by President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to bend over and grab their ankles.
People are battered, bruised and rampant with hemorrhoids. We’re all scared because Mitt Romney thinks he can beat Obama, and Obama’s only worry is if he’s going to make par on the back nine to finish out his day.
The people of Detroit know something about pain. They’ve been beat over the head by the Democrat Party for over fifty years. Now Detroit looks like downtown Baghdad. And the people of GM know Barack Obama, punked by unions until Obama came in, took it over with his stash, and put the unions in charge.
I’ve seen a lot of downturns in my life, including the time I dated that skank, Nancy Pelosi. Thank God for a good doctor and a prescription of Lindane cream. I’ve seen a lot of nasty primaries too, like 2008, leaving us feeling as though we had been kicked in the nuts with John McCain as the Republican nominee.
But now it’s important to come together and unite under one conservative candidate. It’s time to kick Obama’s ass and send the “Statist” back to Chicago. Only one man can treat Obama like a redheaded step child during the general election. That man is Rick Santorum.
Rick Santorum can’t be knocked out in one punch, and neither can America. This time, when we get back up, Obama is going to hear the roar of our conservative voices. He’ll hear the roar on Super Tuesday when Rick Santorum takes state after state. He’ll see the poll numbers as Santorum’s conservative ranks swell.
And on Election Day in November, Rick Santorum will make our day when he sticks his foot so far up Obama’s ass, he’ll taste Rick’s special made, high-gloss Kiwi shoe polish.
Yeah, it’s halftime in America. Are you ready to kick Obama’s ass?
Concept by Clint Eastwood and Rush Limbaugh
“Contort herself” and “Statist” by Mark Levin