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Archive for November, 2011

Scene Opens To The White House Kitchen As Chefs Are Preparing Routine Meals

It’s the holidays and that means goodies and treats!  It also means that Barack Obama is kicking his campaign reelection efforts into high gear.  So, he’s offering some wonderful desserts to go along with his Soy Candles, Glass Ornaments and Yoga Pants.  This year he’s offering his tasty Monkey bread and delectable Silky Chocolate Balls.

Each unique batch of Monkey bread dough is shaped with the letters forming the Obama/Biden 2012 logo.  So when you bake it up, you have an edible version of the Obama/Biden 2012 logo staring you right in the face.  It will be so exciting that you’ll rip right into it as soon as it comes out of the oven. 

Barack Obama is also offering one of his favorite delicacies over the holiday season.  It’s his Silky Chocolate Balls.  Made in the U.S.A., these Silky Chocolate Balls are personally stamped with the words Obama, guaranteeing you that these could only have come from Barack Obama.  These aren’t just for treats around the house.  These are great for parties too.  Nothing quite wows them like Obama’s Silky Chocolate Balls!

Scene Changes To Obama Standing In The White House Kitchen

Hello, I’m Barack Obama.  And during this holiday season when you’re hosting parties, wouldn’t you love to have some great desserts to feed your guests?  Not only desserts, but treats that show off your liberal pride!  I’m offering two such delicacies!

First is my Obama/Biden Monkey bread.  It’s perfect for all your liberal friends.  Get them in the holiday mood and help with my reelection bid.  Pull it out of the oven and tear into it – just like I tore up the American economy.  Ha, ha!

Next, there’s my Silky Chocolate Balls.  They’re individually wrapped in gold packaging so you know you’re getting the best chocolate balls money can buy.  It’s all milk-chocolate – not too light, not too dark – just right with a flavor that’s out of this world.  And they even come imprinted with my name so you can say, “I ate Obama’s Silky Chocolate Balls!”  What more could you ask?  If you’re honest, you couldn’t.  And to top it off, all of my products are made in the U.S.A. by certified Union labor – 99 percenters.

Don’t just take my word for it, here are a couple of people that feel the same way!

Scene Changes To The Rose Garden

Brian Williams:  I’m Brian Williams of NBC, and I can tell you that I can’t get enough of Obama’s Silky Chocolate Balls.  I could eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  You will want to do the same once your tongue is teased with that tantalizing flavor.

Nancy Pelosi:  The minute I put Obama’s Silky Chocolate Balls in my mouth, I was in Heaven.  The creamy, chocolate goodness was an explosion of flavor!  The balls are firm, not mushy and they melt in your mouth.  You’ll want to experience that same explosion I experience the first time you eat Obama’s Silky Chocolate Balls.

Scene Returns To Obama In The White House Kitchen

So don’t hesitate any longer.  Pick up that phone and get your holiday parties started right with either my Monkey bread or my Silky Chocolate Balls.  Both the Monkey bread retails for $7.99 a loaf, and my balls are retailing for only $9.99 a dozen.  Admit it…it’s too hard to pass up!  So call now to enjoy the experience my family has enjoyed for years!

Concept by Todd Barnes and Fox News.

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Is your man a RINO?  Does he have that awful stench that says, “Open Borders?”  Has he aspired to a higher public office, but has yet been able to get over the hump because of his nasty policies on illegal immigration?  If you’re a woman that’s stuck with a man like that, then there’s only one thing you can do.  You need a bottle of Deport, cologne by Adam LeDouche, designed specifically to cover up the awful odor of RINOs.

“This is a one-of-a-kind cologne,” claims LeDouche.  “Its musty, woody fragrance covers up the ‘I’m for open borders’ scent.  Splash a little of this on and you’ll be able to deflect those prying questions coming from the mainstream media.”

Deport comes in an appealing glass bottle.  When first sprayed or splashed, there’s an instant apple pie aroma that tells everyone you’re an American.  Next – during the dry down – you’re greeted with a sweet vanilla fragrance that lets everyone know you can be trusted.  And finally, as the cologne hugs the skin, the permeating musk scent says, “I’ve got your back on the borders.”

Deport will fill the room with masculinity.  Its musty, woody tone and knifing scent will let everyone in the room know that you have a big pair of cajones on you.  The ladies love it!  And why wouldn’t they love a man with a big set of cajones?

John Boehner gives Deport two thumbs up, Scott Brown says Deport practically won him the election in Massachusetts, and George W. Bush says, “There’s nothing better for covering up your inadequacies than a bottle of Deport.”

So if your man is running for POTUS, and you can practically smell the fresh cut grass on the White House lawn, don’t let him be sabotaged by his lousy policies on illegal immigration.  Get him a bottle of Deport and feel the power that only that office brings.  Retailing at only $69, it’s too tempting to pass up.  After all, it’s your man’s candidacy that’s at stake.  Don’t let it end now.

Buy Deport, a cologne for your RINO man.

Bottle of Deport contributed to smoothsailing.  Great job!

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Thanksgiving is here! Many people are preparing for that feast of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie. Some are packing clothes and making plans for their flight or drive. Others, though, are spending time with friends and family, recalling the fond memories of better days during their childhoods, as well as their traditions and the pride of celebrating this America holiday.

But most conservatives, however, are gearing up for that once-a-year visit from their liberal Uncle Phil or Aunt Sally. Amidst the conversation, in the past, they would’ve been forced—through dirty looks from their spouses or a gentle hand placed on the knee—to ignore the claims of bringing home the troops. They would’ve gritted their teeth when their liberal relative drifted down memory lane and proclaims that stimulus spending and healthcare are what America needed.

In days gone by, they would’ve choked down peas, dressing and turkey as they hear the same old refrains about how everything wrong in America is Bush’s fault, and that Obama is doing all he can to bring shovel-ready jobs back to America.  In years past, they would’ve had that extra glass of wine when their liberal counterparts started spouting about how Obama’s healthcare refrain will bring down premiums and provide quality healthcare for everyone.

But that was in years’ past.  This year, conservatives will bend their liberal relative’s ear.  They have stomached enough.  They’ll remind their liberal relatives how our debt has skyrocketed and that millions of children born and unborn will be faced with a burden they did not create.  They will lecture their relatives on the unsustainability of Social Security and Medicare, waxing poetic on the frailty of these entitlements and the impending crisis these schemes face.

They’ll tell their loved ones that without reforms, these programs will more than double the historical average of federal spending from 20% of the economy to nearly 50% in just two generations.  They’ll point to the fact that there is a total lack of budget control, noting that these programs are not subjected to real budgets, and that the U.S. debt exceeds $13 trillion, but we would have to take out the equivalent of a mortgage of $63 trillion to cover the future debt costs of these entitlements.

Conservatives will step up to the plate and remind their liberal relatives that spending is out of control, and huge portion of that spending is on healthcare.  They’ll point out that healthcare spending will price less skilled workers out of full time jobs – the very people it’s designed to help, telling them that after paying the new health premiums, the minimum wage, payroll taxes, and unemployment insurance taxes, hiring a full-time worker will cost employers at least $10.03 per hour. Full-time workers with family health plans will cost $13.75 per hour. Employers who hire workers with productivity below these rates will lose money. Businesses employing less skilled workers will probably respond by dumping their employees onto the federally subsidized health care exchanges and replacing full-time positions with part-time jobs.

The American conservative, cherishing their precious freedom, will indicate that Obamacare will be an utter failure for business.  They’ll demonstrate bluntly just how badly Obamacare hurts less skilled workers, saying, “It raises the minimum productivity required for them to hold a full-time job, particularly workers with families. Workers who cannot produce at least $20,000 per year (single plan) or $27,500 per year (family plan) of value to employers will have serious difficulty finding full-time jobs. Many of these workers will have to either live off reduced income from part-time hours or juggle the schedules of multiple part-time jobs.”

And in their Thanksgiving struggle, conservatives will win the day, because this great experiment known as America is too wonderful.  Because they know that their freedom is too precious to roll over and settle for that’s the best we can expect.  They’ll do all they can because they will remind their relatives that their children will endure an insufferable loss of their ability to choose the life they choose to live.  And finally, they’ll convince their relatives because they know that America is worth the fight.

And then conservatives – that have a job in this Obama recession – will go to work and drive America like they always do. They’ll perform at their very best while their liberal coworkers complain about how their greedy boss is sticking it to them and how he or she isn’t paying them enough. They’ll advance up the corporate ladder, and get job after job done while their liberal coworkers are worrying about who looked best on American idol.

Conservatives, in their indefatigable diligence, will fight to keep the American economy moving, advocating for more of their own money and less government intrusion. They’ll turn on their radios, log on the internet and call their favorite talk show hosts in support of America’s finest on this Thanksgiving.

In this primary season, they’ll remember the words of Patrick Henry, “If we wish to be free, if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending, if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained we must fight!”

And when Obama starts spouting off about a do nothing Congress, conservatives will remember the words of President George Washington, “Let us therefore animate and encourage each other, and show the world that a free man, contending for his liberty on his own ground, is superior to any slavish mercenary on earth.”

They’ll advocate for the Nativity scene as America nears Christmas. They’ll no longer suffer the righteous indignation of liberals when they rambunctiously complain about Chanukah and Christmas. They’ll tell their children about Santa, never forgetting about the real meaning of Christmas: the birth of Jesus Christ.

When liberals are having temper tantrums about the separation of church and state, conservatives will remember the words of John Adams, “We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

Most of all, conservatives will remember the words of Daniel Webster, “God grants liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready to guard and defend it.”

It is conservatives that I am thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day, November 24, 2011 these men and women that love liberty, the men and women that use the Constitution as a guide, never forgetting its principles in their daily lives, and holding their senators and congressmen’s feet to the fire.

These conservatives come in all races, colors, creeds and worship different religions. They are, at their very essence, the heart of America. They perform their duties with unabashed vigor. They represent the best America has to offer and keep coming back for more. They come from all walks of life, and hold patriotism sacred. They are never what the mainstream media covers, but are what America is and what it should always strive to be. They personify every notion the Founding Fathers had for America.

They are represented by men like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Mark Levin – individuals that understand that the Founding Fathers and the U.S. Constitution give us direction.  They are more than happy to read Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto and are anxiously awaiting Ameritopia.  They will surf the web and you will find many of them at Free Republic, a forum dedicated to ending socialism and tyranny’s grasp on America.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I am truly thankful for all the conservative men and women that make a difference in America. They should be saluted for wishing to return to the concepts of the Founding Fathers. They should be respected and admired for admonishing liberals at every turn in the road.

And they should be thanked for fighting the good fight, a fight to return to our American Republic.  Conservatives have had enough.

All data attributed to the Heritage Foundation.

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When Barack Obama speaks to us, why does he always look like a prick when he does it?  After all, shouldn’t a president show a little emotion?  But Obama doesn’t.  He looks like he just came back from a rectal exam that went terribly wrong.

Obama seems like an ordinary, average guy.  But somehow, like the Joe Walsh song, I just don’t see him down there scooping up the dog poop.  He comes off like he’s a total dick.  Maybe it’s just me.  Or maybe it’s not.  I don’t understand these things.  And I don’t understand the economy either. 

Are we in a recession or a depression?  Which is it?  If government created jobs, wouldn’t we all be employed by the government?  I just don’t know.  I’ve picked up a copy of the Wall Street Journal.  I read it and I don’t get it.  I’ve used it for toilet paper, and consequently, it’s not good for that either.  The New York Times is much better.

Speaking of newspapers…what about Politico?  Are they a newspaper or aren’t they?  I know I can’t line the bottom of my cat box with it.  You can find them online, but what good is it if you can’t wipe your ass with it.  I don’t know much about newspapers, but I’d say that’s just plain dumb.

And speaking of things that are dumb, how about Solyndra?  Who in their right mind would found a company that would go bankrupt?  I don’t pretend to understand Solyndra.  I hear it has something to do with solar power.  I don’t know much about solar power.  People tell me it’s related to the sun.  What I do know is that people who would found a company that’s destined for bankruptcy are total freaking morons.

While we’re on the subject of people that are total freaking morons, CBS has a long line of dumb asses.  A couple of them that come to mind are Dan Rather and Katie Couric.  I don’t need an intelligence test to determine whether you’re dumb, but anyone that continues to say a memo is genuine after it’s been proven fake, is an idiot.

As for Katie Couric, people say she didn’t wow them with her intelligence.  From what I understand, one day she’s taking coffee to people in the Green Room, and a couple of hand jobs later, she’s anchoring a news program.  Now I don’t know what a hand job is, but I am sure it has nothing to do with intelligence.

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Having stepped in it for three years,  we want to know what kind of dog crap is Obama’s policies like.

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A most heartfelt thank you for our veterans, and to those Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, Coastguardsmen and Merchant Marines.  A video tributes is below:

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During summer school in the 1990s, Jonathan Martin – Senior Politico Reporter – has come forward to accuse Kenneth Vogel – Politico Political Reporter – of inappropriate behavior occurring when the two men were in between classes on campus, eventually leading to the discovery of their calling to save the world through journalism.

Martin, who was sixteen at the time, has accused Vogel – who was also sixteen – of sexually manhandling him while in the shower of the gymnasium at Hardin Bigg High School in Philadelphia, PA.  According to Martin, the two young men had been playing a game of hand ball, hit the shower and that’s when things got out of hand.

“We had finished the game of handball,” stated Martin.  “We got in the shower and the next thing I know Kenny’s hand was in my crotch.  It startled me so much so that I dropped the soap.  When I bent over to pick up the soap, all I felt was a burning sensation and my head repeatedly hitting the shower wall.  I was sore inside and out.”

Martin said it was just a week later when Vogel moved, leaving Martin with the haunting memory of the torrid incident in the shower.  Years later, Martin went to work at Politico, running into Vogel for the first time.

“I probed Kenny for answers,” insisted Martin.  “I had to know why, but he states that ‘he doesn’t even remember me.’”

Jonathan Martin’s ugly tale has raised more questions than the story has answered.  Questions such as:

  1. Why wait so long to out Vogel?
  2. How did it really feel?
  3. Did you drop the soap intentionally?
  4. Why not tell the principal or your parents?
  5. Have you had any similar experience with other reporters?
  6. Is Gloria Allred going to take your case?
  7. Was the shower wall ceramic tile or cheap porcelain?
  8. Is getting manhandled in a shower a pre-requisite for becoming a reporter?
  9. If you call Gloria Allred now, can you book all the morning shows in time?
  10. Did he smack your ass at any time during the event?
  11. Did he hit you with a towel afterwards?

The Right Elective Decisions has confirmed that Kenneth Vogel has denied the manhandling of Jonathan Martin.  However, it is important for this country for Vogel to come clean – Americans need closure, and they need to know if Kenneth Vogel is indeed a rump ranger.  Only the truth will suffice here.

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