Guys and Gals: Where?
Announcer’s Voice: You go to Politico!
Guys and Gals: Politico?
Announcer’s Voice: Thaaaatttt’ssss right! Politico…the place where everyone goes for good old-fashioned political lynchings. No other news source quite strings ‘em up like Politico. Once a long-standing tradition of the New York Times, now Politico has taken the noose! And boy have they run with it!
Scene Changes To David Alexrod’s Office, Chicago, IL
Announcer’s Voice: Hey, David Axelrod! Who do you call when you need to get rid of a threat to your campaign?
Dean: (Winks) I call Kenneth Vogel at Politico!
Announcer’s Voice: Damn right! Politico – the place where black conservatives don’t stand a chance. If they don’t know their place, Politico puts ‘em there. Ahhhh…yes…Politico!
Scene Changes to Svelte Blonde Going Into McDonald’s Restaurant
Announcer’s Voice: Hey, miss!
Announcer’s Voice: Where do you log on to get the most up-to-date lynching news available?
Blonde: (Laughs) Why I go to Politico. Everyone knows this!
Announcer’s Voice: Yes…they do.
Scence Changes To An Overweight Mechanic Pulling A Battery Out Of A Car
Announcer’s Voice: Hey, buddy!
Announcer’s Voice: Who can you count on to report rumors and lies about black conservatives?
Mechanic: That’s easy. Politico! (Sticks one thumb in the air) Thanks, Politico!
Announcer’s Voice: Oh, yeah! Politico can really stick it to them like no other news source.
Scene Changes To Robert L. Allbritton’s Office, Politico Publisher
Announcer’s Voice: Hey, Robert! Who does the most in-depth and biased reporting when you need to get rid of a conservative candidate?
Allbritton: Why, Politico, of course. Here at the Politico we take pride in destroying the political process. We’ll do it through outright lies, rumors and speculation – whatever it takes to get rid of the conservative opposition. In fact, if you’re a Democrat and can’t run on substance, you can’t afford to not have us in your corner. With Jonathan Martin and Ken Vogel, we have two of the best in the business at smearing individuals. Do you really want to trust your campaign outcome to the voters? (Laughs) I didn’t think so. So give us a call.
Announcer’s Voice: Yes…Politico. If you’d like to turn your three-bedroom home in Long Island into a twenty-room estate in the Hamptons, then you’ll need to get elected. You’ll need Politico! Because there’s nothing quite like a political lynching from Politico!