Are you a conservative man? Does every news story on the Republican primaries cause inexplicable knee jerk reactions? Are you beginning the long, painful symptoms of carpal tunnel from commenting too much on political forums? Are you having panic attacks at the thought of a Mitt Romney victory in South Carolina? Have the words, “Santorum has got to drop out…he’s splitting the conservative vote,” or “it’s finished,” become part of your everyday lexicon?
If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions, you’re likely a man that suffers from ‘Premature Pull-Out Syndrome.’ But you’re not alone. Thousands of conservative men suffer from ‘Premature Pull-Out Syndrome.’ It occurs every four years during the Republican primary process, and can be part of the hereditary process.
Scene changes to the basement of a home with a man sitting at his computer
Dr. Marcus Gentry: Hi, I’m Dr. Marcus Gentry and I’m here to tell you about ‘Premature Pull-Out Syndrome.’ Often, conservative men suffer from this condition. Today, science has taught us that that this syndrome is a second cousin to premature ejaculation. It is often manifested at its peak when men have watched, read and listened to far too many news stories on the Republican primary process. It generally resorts to screaming at the television, radio, and inserting multiple exclamation points into their online comments.
Camera zooms in on the man sitting at his computer
Gentry: Let’s listen to Tim here. He’s been following the primary candidates since August of 2011.
Tim: Shut the eff up, Rush, you idiot! Gingrich is within his rights to go Bain on Romney. You don’t know what you’re talking about, moron!
Gentry: As you can see, Tim is starting to exhibit those traits of ‘Premature Pull-Out Syndrome.’ Now let’s see what he comments on.
Tim: Oh, God. DeMint just said, “Romney may pull it off in South Carolina.” This is disastrous. It’s all over. FUMR. Santorum’s got to get out…he’s splitting the conservative vote. Romney guarantees Obama. Get out, Santorum. Get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scene fades out Tim and focuses on Gentry
As you can see, Tim has lost it. But now…science has a cure. Here at the Withdraw Institute, we’re helping conservative men realize it isn’t over just because of a couple of primaries. We’ve developed a patented 2-step program called Get A Grip™, and it’s guaranteed to work. It’s a very simple system. We supply you with a bottle of oxygen and an ass-whipping for your man. After he’s had his ass handed to him, you administer oxygen at 15 minute intervals. Shortly thereafter he begins to get a grip. It’s really that simple!
Look, ladies! If your man is one and done, then you need the Get A Grip™ patented, 2-step program. Once he starts showing the signs of ‘Premature Pull-Out Syndrome,’ then you need to give us a call before it’s too late. Call us at 1-800-GET-DEEP to insure your man is never one and done again! Keep him in the game as long as you need him! Call now!
