Are you a Democrat? Have you always wanted to live the lavish lifestyle but have no drive or desire to get it for yourself? Has your redress to the federal government – like the Occupy Wall Street crowd – left you out in the cold with a sore anus? If you’ve answered yes to all three questions, you need to learn how to acquire things the old fashioned way. You beg for it. That’s right. You need to get down on your knees and do some groveling.
And here at the School Of Seminar Begging, we teach you not only to learn how to grovel, but we teach you how to do it with panache. Our top rate instructors will show you how to ask for something without asking for it. You’ll learn the technique of artfully combining your talking points with begging while parlaying that into a new iPhone 4S, a new bed or a new computer, and at the same time, you can stick it to some rich, greedy bastard. Now what Democrat in their right mind could turn that down? Not one. And when you’ve become a master, you’ll be able to call Rush Limbaugh and get whatever you need free without ever raising any red flags. Yes, indeed, groveling is the best way to get things you don’t actually deserve without having to work for it.
The School Of Seminar Begging is the right place to go to learn all the techniques you’ll ever need to set you up for life. You’ll be instructed on how to talk to a conservative, and how to sound as if you actually believe the same things they do! You’ll pick up catch phrases such as, “Obamacare is Unconstitutional, damn it” and “Barack Obama is destroying this nation!” Or – and this is my personal favorite – “What would we do without Rush Limbaugh on the radio?” We’ll drum these techniques into you over and over and over again until you get it right.
Man playing Snerdley: The Rush Limbaugh Show
Student: Yeah, I want to speak with Rush Limbaugh.
Man playing Snerdley: About what?
Student: About healthcare as a right.
Instructor: No, no, no, damn it! That’s the healthcare bill is an abomination. You’re never going to get past Snerdley that way. And if you can’t get past Snerdley, how then are you going to ask Limbaugh for a new computer? Now do it again. And this time sound angry! Let’s go!
That tidbit is just a morsel of the training you’ll receive when you sign up for the School Of Seminar Begging. We’ll verse you on the ins and outs of the Rush Limbaugh Show. We’ll bring you up to speed on the belief system of conservatives, and we’ll even throw in a list of talk show hosts that give away things and those that don’t.
Hey, it’s okay to throw away your dignity and self-respect as long as you’re getting something out of it. At the School Of Seminar Begging we help you get that something you need.
So sign up today! And as a bonus, if you register before January 1, 2012, we’ll throw in a free audio CD on “How To Deal With Mr. Snerdley When He’s Having A Temper Tantrum.” So don’t hesitate! Give us a call and begin a new future in begging today!
School Of Seminar Begging concept by Clint N Suhks
“Will show you exactly how to ask for something without asking for it,” attributed to rwi.